Looking back, I've always known something was a little off kilter. It's not like I thought to myself, "my son is just really different so I need to do this or that to get him diagnosed with something". No. More along the lines of OMG why is this happening? Why is he screaming his head off for up to an hour multiple times a day over what seems like nothing? Why does he have such a hard time transitioning, or eating any sort of food, or touching certain things? Why won't he look at me when I say his name? Why is this happening to my baby?
I was concerned for months, but I never thought to talk to anyone because I thought the doctor wouldn't take me seriously...that I would be laughed out of her office. I thought this was just him having high needs. I never once thought it would lead us on the path to an evaluation of his behaviors. But when he started hurting himself on purpose, it was time to go in. He still does all the time...he will smash his poor little head into the ground after throwing his head back and kicking his feet, trying to jump out of my arms. He will fall from a standing position like a tree and hit his head hard, then roll over on his front and do it again. He squeezes his eyes shut and drowns out the world around us. He loses all control.
Some people think I sound crazy or that I'm just making it up, or that his behaviors sound normal...but according to his doctor and counselor, they aren't. And my mommy gut feeling says they aren't either. So don't be that guy...the worst thing you can do to a person who is trying to get their child evaluated is tell them their kid seems normal. It makes us feel like we are crazy, that it's all in our heads. And trust me, that's not a good feeling.
A diagnosis is not reached because people want to "fix" their kids. It's reached and evaluated and studied because we love our kids SO much that we want them to have the absolute best life possible no matter what, so we find out what is causing their suffering and we ease their pain through therapies or other methods. It's not a pissing match when it comes down to the little ones we love the most. It's about the fact that there is something making the sweet little child who we love more than anything hurt inside...enough so that we, the big parents, have to step in and advocate for them. It hurts my heart every time I hold my sweet boy on my lap as he screams and thrashes and tries to hurt himself. A diagnosis would help me navigate a plan of action for him and make him feel happier and adjust better later on.
I see his perfect, tiny face...I look at those long, dark lashes framing his beautiful multicolored eyes, I see his little button nose, his sweet pursed lips, his tiny chin and chubby cheeks...and I see a little boy who deserves the best life I can give him. I don't see a little boy with a problem, he has the entire world to explore and I'm going to make sure he CAN explore it.
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