If I had known...

If I had known that I would trade dress shoes for sneakers, long walks for half hour trip preparations, clean, neat shirts for dirty shirts with spit up on them, I would have still jumped into parenthood with my eyes wide open and my arms ready to hold my son. If I had known that evenings would be replaced with bath time, story time, comfy pjs and nursing him to sleep or giving him his night night bottle, I wouldn't have thought twice. If I had even guessed parenthood would be like this...I would still be here, with him on my lap, wiggling in his sleep like a little worm. I would still look in the mirror every day at my changed body, my messy, long hair, and my tired eyes and think yes, I am beautiful, because I gave birth to a little boy who means the world to me and I am strong for carrying him for almost 10 months.
My (very few) stretch marks are my battle scars, my boobs are my feeding machines instead of something to attract the guys, although I never used them to that advantage anyways. My son's pain is my own...when he is sick, I cry. When he screams out of frustration or pain, I feel his little hands with their titan grip clenching my heart and tearing it to shreds. And when I see his smile, I cry in happiness, because his joy is mine, too. His laugh is what makes me proud I went through all that pain just to have him, it's my reward for a long labor and a long pregnancy, full of ups and downs and puke (eww).
The love a parent feels for their child is indescribable until they get there...until their baby is set upon their chest or into their arms for the very first time.
I would like to believe these moments, when we feel such love in our hearts, are reserved for the days when we just don't know if we will be able to make it through another day.
I thank fate every day for bringing me to my son, my destiny. It is the one reason I know I'm still here...to be his mommy. <3