Insomnia

Have I mentioned today how much I hate this iPod sometimes? I just wrote in here for 20 minutes straight and safari cut out on me. Greeaatt. Anyways, so here I am again, awake at 2 am. The insomnia hits harder these days because I'm still a new mom. I get so tired...it's a kind of tired you feel straight down to the bone. It's so incredibly enveloping and complete that I just want to curl up in it and die. Being a mom is rewarding, although it has it's slight downfalls. I do love him more than anything though! I would give anything for my baby boy. I have insomnia thanks to a long battle I've had with depression for years. Not many people know because I often seem very cheerful and helpful towards them...trust me people that isn't fake, I really am trying to help you and be cheerful. Part of the cheerfulness is my ADHD...it's pretty bad (at least the inattentiveness) and the hyperactivity part can mimic me being happy sometimes. And there are times when I really AM happy! Mostly though, my depression isn't a deep profound one...it's one where I just don't feel better than a flat line of emotion. I can fluctuate throughout the day, but it's normally pretty even for me. My moods are normally a flat line...dipping and peaking here and there. I wish I could go in depth with a long and detailed explanation of why I am the way I am, but it will take forever and it's super long. Ahhh...gotta go. Jayce decided to wake up AGAIN for the billionth time tonight. O.M.G.